we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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