exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
did i walk over a car last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
