i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize