the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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