I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
