...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
