We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
