Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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