Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
