I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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