Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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