Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
NoShamevember. You game?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
