That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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