So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
