I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
