508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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