We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
