DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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