Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
