He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
