So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
