batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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