On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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