dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
