I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
