She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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