So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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