So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
