i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize