i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bring me that man meat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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