I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
