Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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