there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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