im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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