so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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