I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
