You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
