he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
