you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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