Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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