I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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