Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize