And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
