Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
