I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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