Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
