dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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