Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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