Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
