Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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