he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
