When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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