my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
