a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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