I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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