Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think people are normalizing furries
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
