i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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