we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
