New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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