i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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