Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I enjoy the company of your penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
