I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
