Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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