um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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